You’re not messed up.
You were just conditioned to be out of alignment with your true inner north.
Look around you.
Do you encounter many heart-open, inspiring humans in day-to day life?
Lots of synchronistic, beautiful opportunities that you might have missed if you hadn’t been paying attention?
The state of the world around you-- and how you react to it-- is largely a reflection of how you feel in your inner world.
Do you see happiness around you, and feel joy and gratitude to take part in that?
Or do you feel left out of joy and wonder how others achieved it, like there’s a secret you’re missing out on?
Do you see grumpy, argumentative people around you and wonder why the hell they’re so combative?
This bears observing. It illustrates the core principle of the work I’m doing here.
“As a young adult, I felt wildly out of control of my emotions. My day-to-day life felt like treading water. I had little energy to spare, to notice the world around me. When I did see the world, I was terrified, because it felt so much bigger than me and I had no idea how to navigate it competently. ”
Why couldn’t I ever feel true peace?
This heart-wrenching quest guided me to the foundational beliefs of my work:
It’s not that there is something wrong with you, it’s that you’re deeply out of alignment with your true values, and your overwhelming emotions have been trying to show you that.
Your emotions are not the problem. They’re the compass.
Viewing yourself through a lens of self-deprecation and judgment is like being trapped in a steel cage.
As long as the lens remains, you are powerless to ever get out.
And that is the crux of the problem: feeling powerless.
But it’s not all your fault. That is to say, your patterns actually make sense.
Of course you learned to be out of touch with your values.
Of course you feel like you have no control of your destiny.
Of course you feel out of control of your emotions.
In a world that encourages us to distract from our emotions (or to over-identify with them), we have become a generation out of touch with the authenticity and connection our emotions are here to bring.
Take a look again at the world around you. What do you see?
Is it a world of competent adults who are in control of their reactions and connect deeply with others, creating joy and celebrating each others’ wins?
Or is it a world of angry, frightened children, who never felt precious and uniquely insightful, so they cling to crumbs of validation and compete with others?
We are more connected than we like to think. We all experience the same range of human emotions and see varying projections of those in the world around us. So, for those of us who seem to feel it all more deeply, what’s the missing ingredient?
We can spend years reading about it, listening to podcasts on it, sharing deep quotes discussing it. But if we want to move through pain into purpose, the missing step is to feel it.
Until we connect with ourselves on that vulnerable, child level, we deny the parts of ourselves that allow us to feel joy and connection.
We can’t feel in control of our inner state if we are still running from parts of it.
Taking full accountability for all of our feelings and behaviors is crucial to creating peace and feeling able to handle life.
Denial, downplaying, and distracting from our emotions hinder accountability by breeding guilt and shame.
These are habits that began in childhood and we haven’t known how to release them, because we weren’t shown how.
Our parents were meant to model connection for us — connection to self, connection to others, and connection to the universe which instills trust and safety in our core identity.
If you didn’t receive that, it’s not too late. You can learn to embody these things now.
You may have to let go of things you learned from authoritarian parents, or dysfunctional family patterns.
You may no longer resonate with identities you formed in the hierarchy of school and career ladders.
You may even start to detox from religious trauma and realize that you harbored a fear of authority from that.
No matter the root cause, you can look to your emotions for guidance and direction to release the unwanted patterns in a way that is authentic for you.
By integrating self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-validation, I believe that each person can truly take charge of their life and change their world — as well as enrich the lives of others by showing up as their confident, authentic self.
Feeling at peace within yourself brings true freedom: presence to experience life with gratitude, belief in a greater future, and opportunities for growth and expansion in your passions, interests, and unique expressions of joy.
We just need a safe space to learn how to do that.
Our perception becomes our reality.
And we can choose to change our perception.
Gratitude for you, my friend, as you find your way on this journey.
Want to know more about Peaceful Accountability or what I do as a QMBT™ Therapist?
Check out my Coaching Page. Take a look at North Star Rising’s Manifesto. Or book a free chat.
“Everything seemed possible when I looked through the eyes of a child.
And every once in a while, I remember, I still have the chance to be that wild.”
― Nikki Rowe
I love this piece on the Inner Child by Rajashree Purkayastha. <3