I used to be an authoritarian parent, mirroring the way I was raised. I used to yell at my kids a lot, believe that they should be quiet and calm all the time, and listen to what I said without question. Sometimes I even spanked them. Through my healing journey, I've stumbled upon a really important question that changed the way I saw being a mother: If my emotions were all over the place, and I felt like I often didn't know what the hell I was doing, then how could I be the final authority to tell smaller people how to "people" properly?? Truly, children embody the traits that so many of us "wish we had," like authenticity, bravery, confidence, and spontaneity. So why not let them show US how to "people" properly, with an open heart and reckless abandon? What if we learn from them, how to say yes more often and celebrate moments of childlike joy, rather than keep our bodies closed off tightly with an energetic no that was meant (with innocent, childlike intentions) to keep us safe?

I didn't have very consistent female role models growing up, so my perception of women was very dysfunctional. I learned to be smaller than men so they didn't get their feelings hurt, but also to be showy with my physical traits, to attract men's attention. I learned to fit in like one of the boys so I stood out among other females, but also to change my identity constantly so that I could fit in with other females and avoid being seen as their competition. I learned to take care of male partners, to make sure they wanted to keep me around, but not too much, because then they'd feel emasculated and it would be my fault. Honestly, being a woman felt exhausting. This is not to belittle what men experience, because we all have societal and familial expectations placed upon us. But what if we start to look at these common struggles with curiosity rather than with comparison? What if we allow these realities to inform our future with empathy and embracing vulnerability, rather than with fear or shame? What if we are all just looking for the love of our mother? If this resonates, I would highly recommend taking a look at my favorite resources linked at the bottom of this page. There you'll find a course on Healing the Mother Wound from medicine woman Liana Shanti.

I know how excruciating it can feel to be the black sheep of the family. To be the one who always looks deeper into things that other people might not even notice. Isn't this half of the problem? That our emotions and personalities have been pathologized and criticized, rather than uniquely celebrated? It can feel like a lonely path, but I have learned that we are not alone. We have been led by divine guidance all along, and that is why we feel so deeply. We are the ones who are in touch with that sacred connection-- the one that nudges us forward to live from the heart, to reach out to others, to share our stories, and to deeply love. We are the ones who are here to show there's a better way. If harshness and violence were the answer, our societies and our families would be thriving. That is why we struggle, friend: because we know something is all wrong. I believe that this calling from deep within is also a divine responsibility, should we choose to answer the call. And we CAN choose. We always have that power, and our true character shines through when we choose to use that power to be a light in the dark.